


Exile

by kronette



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 06:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garak is feeling his exile acutely. Bashir tries to understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Exile

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there is one good thing to be said for depression and self-pity. It's great for story fodder. I wrote this entire thing in one day. Originally posted in 1995 under my other pseud, Shelley Wright.

Doctor Julian Bashir looked up from his lunch to see the Cardassian tailor, Garak, wandering along the Promenade.

"Garak," Bashir called to him, but Garak continued walking, absorbed in himself.

Bashir got up and stood in Garak's path. "Garak," he said good- naturedly, "What has you so distracted?"

Garak glanced up. "Hm?" he asked, not quite registering who was in front of him.

Bashir's expression grew worried. "Garak, is something wrong?"

Blinking away his ghosts, Garak returned to his usual self. "Doctor. I'm terribly sorry. I was thinking about something. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Bashir stared hard at his friend. Garak  _was_ trying hard to forget whatever he had been brooding about. "No. But can I do anything for you? Would you like to talk?"

"Whyever for? Doctor, I assure you, I'm fine."

"I didn't ask that," Bashir stated quietly. He steered his friend to a booth in Quark's and sat him down. "Now, won't you tell me what has you so distracted?"

Garak sighed patiently. "My dear doctor, nothing is wrong. Perhaps I'm just a bit...homesick."

"Homesick?" Bashir was surprised. Then again, he wasn't. Certainly being the only Cardassian left on the station was terribly lonely for him. But to actually hear him  _admit_ it...

Garak's expression darkened. "Yes. Homesick. Doctor, I've been away from my home for more than five years, three of them stuck here."

"Yes, but if you had an assignment on a starship, you might have been away from Cardassia for much longer," Bashir tried to rationalize.

"But I would have the option of going home. Here, I do not. My last chance died in the Gamma Quadrant," Garak said quietly.

Bashir swallowed hard. He had heard what happened to Garak during the Obsidian Order/Tal Shiar alliance, but he didn't realize just how much it had affected his friend. He hid his feelings too well. "Garak, I wish you had told me sooner. I wish you had confided in me."

"Doctor, I couldn't do that. You have a family, a home to return to whenever you want." Garak shook his head sadly. "You wouldn't understand."

"Wouldn't I?" Bashir said softly, catching the tailor's attention. "Until I was 13, I lived on various starships, planets, and starposts. I never had _one_ place to call my own. I couldn't make friends, because we were always leaving. I didn't _have_ a home while I was growing up."

"You must have had a very lonely childhood," Garak murmured, lost in his own thoughts.

Bashir sighed and folded his hands under his chin. "I did. I invented my own games in my head to play. I read books. Did puzzles. I did a lot of solitary things. Things that didn't require other children."

Despite Garak's will, the doctor broke through his self pity. The tailor was enthralled. "But what about your parents? You know we Cardassians value family above all else. You did have your family, didn't you?"

Bashir snorted. "Once, my mother used a holodeck program to create a whole host of children my age. Pretty pathetic, isn't it? I wasn't fooled for a second. I knew they weren't real." He looked down at the tabletop. "But I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

"What about your father? Wasn't he there?"

"Oh, he was there. He was the reason we were dragged all over the galaxy. He wanted the whole 'nice happy family' image to show to his friends. So mother and I were dragged along." The bitterness was hard to swallow, for both men.

"I - I didn't know, Julian. I'm sorry."

"Garak -?" Bashir started, amazed that the Cardassian had tears in his pale blue eyes.

"I - I'm sorry doctor. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave. Good day." Garak stood up abruptly and pushed away from the table, making his way blindly to the exit.

"Garak wait," Bashir called, but he was already passed the threshold and into the throngs along the Promenade.

Bashir sat at the table for a minute, contemplating what to do. Making up his mind, he strode determinedly to Garak's quarters.

***

"Garak, please let me in," Bashir pleaded to the door. He knew Garak was inside, he just wasn't answering. "Garak, I know you're in there."

Silence greeted his request. Bashir leaned his head against the cold metal doors, closing his eyes tiredly. "Garak, what's going on? Why did my past upset you so much? Please let me in. I'm your friend, Elim. Please." He spoke quietly, but he knew Garak could hear him.

The doors vibrated and began to open. Bashir took a step back.

"Doctor, please, I'd rather be alone right now," the tailor requested, blocking Bashir's way into his quarters.

"Garak, something is upsetting you. I'm your friend. I'd like to help. If I can't do that, at least I can listen." His large eyes were filled with sincerity. "Please."

Again, despite every warning in Garak's head, he allowed the doctor inside. He sat on a chair, Bashir chose the couch. They remained silent for several minutes, just enjoying the presence of the other.

Bashir finally broke the comfortable silence. "Garak, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. I'd only be guessing."

"Take a guess, doctor. I'd be interested in your take on this."

Bashir stared at the Cardassian, amused yet hurt. "Don't be condescending to me, Garak." His eyes fired with anger, then subsided. "I believe you realized how much you missed Cardassia when you ran into Enabran Tain. And that hurt you more than you could have ever dreamed."

Garak chuckled mirthlessly. "Close, I admit doctor. I was indeed shocked by what I'm only beginning to understand now was nostalgia for home. I wanted desperately to return home; to see the place where I grew up, the house I lived in. But in that glorious slaughter, I lost my last chance. It finally sunk in, doctor, that I have no allies left. No chance of gaining favor with the Order-- Central Command again." He snuck a glance at Bashir to see if he had caught his slip, he looked as though he hadn't.

"It's terribly lonely, isn't it? Being the only one of your kind," Bashir whispered.

Garak stared at the Human, astonished. "Yes," he admitted in a hoarse whisper. "To have no one to share things with."

Bashir's voice wavered. "To have no one to discuss life with. Changes. Dreams."

Garak's throat constricted. "To have someone who understands. Knows what you're going through."

"Answers your questions. Listens to you.

"Be your friend."

"Any friend."

Doctor and tailor stared at each other, really seeing the other's soul for the first time.

"I see we have had similar situations, doctor," Garak said softly. He felt very vulnerable; he hadn't let anyone this close to him in a very long time.

"I didn't realize - I wish you had told me sooner, Garak. You didn't have to go through this alone," Bashir whispered painfully.

Garak fought to get words out around the lump in his throat. "Dear doctor, I couldn't burden you with this. This is my problem. My exile."

"You aren't alone, Garak. We are all in exile at one point in our lives. Yours was forced on you; so was mine. We didn't chose this life; someone handed it to us and said, 'make the best of it.' And I did." Bashir leaned close to his friend, his eyes shining with intensity. "You can, too."

Garak looked away from the doctor's gaze. "I'm afraid it's too late for me, doctor. I've been handed this life; I must live it."

"You aren't trapped, Garak! Stop making it sound like you don't have any choices!"

"I don't!" Garak shouted, rising to his feet. "I'm stuck on this godforsaken station, and I'm _never getting off_!"

"STOP IT!" Bashir shouted, also rising. "There's a treaty now, you can go anywhere, do anything you want! You aren't limited anymore!"

"I am! I still have enemies on Cardassia, and they won't hesitate to harm me if I attempted to leave here!"

"You're paranoid!"

"You're an innocent!" Garak spat. The instant the last syllable left his lips, he knew he had gone too far.

"I'm what?" Bashir asked, disbelievingly. His voice was choked with emotion.

"I'm sorry, doctor. I didn't mean that."

"Yes. You did," Bashir said with deadening calm. "And I only wish I was an innocent about this, but I'm not. I've lived it already."

Garak tried to stop his look of disbelief, but wasn't successful. "Doctor, please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't know me. You don't know anything about me."

"Don't I? What did we just discuss? Your past. My past. It sounded like I understood you pretty well."

"It may have been similar, but the circumstances surrounding -" Garak began, but Bashir interrupted him.

"Circumstances don't matter. I was in exile, so were you. I felt alone, unwanted, afraid. Don't tell me you don't feel that way."

Garak was speechless. "Doctor, I can't - I'm not used to -" He tried again. "I haven't opened up to someone in a very, very long time. I don't think I can right now."

"I think you already have," Bashir countered softly. "Garak, you have to understand something. You aren't alone. Not anymore." He moved closer to his friend. "I'm here."

"For now," slipped out of the tailor's mouth before he could think.

Bashir regarded him steadily. "Yes, until I get another assignment. But I learned early on, you take what you can get at  _any_ time. So, do you want it?"

"Want - what?" Garak asked, confused.

"My friendship. Will you take what I'm offering, Garak?" Bashir held out his hand.

Garak stared at it. Glancing up, he met the doctor's eyes. "Friendship." His hand settled in Bashir's, and gripped it firmly. "You take what you can get," he whispered softly.

"What little is offered to you," Bashir said softly.

"Make the most of it," Garak murmured, drawing Bashir closer to him.

"Make the most of it," Bashir agreed, unable to stop himself. He pressed his lips against Garak's, startling both of them.

"Doctor - Julian," Garak breathed, "What are you doing?"

"Making the most of it," Bashir muttered, nudging the Cardassian's lips open and stealing inside. His warm tongue probed the recesses of the tailor's mouth, drawing little sounds from the back of the Cardassian's throat.

Gasping for breath, Garak asked, "Julian, why are you doing this? Now, of all times?"

"Do you really want an answer, Garak?" Bashir asked quietly. At Garak's nod, he continued. "You opened up to me. I got to know you better. And I liked what I heard." Bashir moved closer, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "We are so much alike, Elim. I never knew how much...but now I do, and I like you even more than I did before. Elim," the doctor stroked the strange ridges with a fingertip, "you intrigue me. Moreso now than ever. But what I want from you is what I'm offering to you. An exile-free night. You won't be alone, for just one night."

Garak placed his hand over Bashir's on his face. "That's all? One night? What if I want more? What if I'd rather be alone tonight? The rest of my nights?"

"Knowing you might not get the chance again?" Bashir whispered. "Knowing you could have, for even one night, had something to cherish?"

"To have to look back on, knowing I can never have that again," Garak countered.

Bashir's eyes filled. "Stop being so stubborn, Garak. Let someone in. Let _me_ in," he pleaded.

"What if I decide it's not worth it?" Garak whispered. "Not risk the hurt, the pain I know will come afterwards?"

"Oh, Elim, it doesn't have to. The chance at ending the loneliness, the ache deep in your soul, is worth it. Even for only a night," Bashir whispered.

"Carpe diem," Garak said hoarsely.

"Seize the  _minute_ ," Bashir whispered.

Garak nodded slowly. Holding Bashir's face delicately in his hands like the finest silk, he said firmly, "I don't want to be alone tonight, Julian."

Without a word, Bashir walked into Garak's bedroom, Garak following behind him.

The End


End file.
